The F and the FOJ

INTRO:

Well things is really heating up here in the big V. With the main event just moments away there are more poker players knocking about than there are frogs in Cavan*. We’re currently based in the Gaming Life Expo (GLE) promoting the Irish Open to WSOP players and WSOP wannabes. This is in a room that’s about the size of four soccer (football to you Europeans) pitches. This is next door to the main event hall which is just a lil bit smaller. All joined up by canyonesque corridors that have no quantifiable end and are as wide as my moustache is cool (that’s very very wide smart orse)

CONTEXT:

Following Jesse May’s advice of playing the pokies at the bar in the Belagio and skulling the comped margaritas, I found myself somewhere between merry and mouldy last night (and up a couple hundred bucks from video poker, thanks Jess.) We then traipsed over to studio 54 to show the American’s how to celebrate FOJ in true paddy style. Current status delicate but improving.

I MEAN I HEARD RIO WAS BIG:

The scale of rooms in this place is difficult to imagine, the walls curve with the crust of the earth, carpets have horizons and I’m not sure there’s a ceiling in this place, but it’s not 10,000 degrees in here so there must be something up there. Sometimes you find a ceiling hovering above your head with no visible wall holding it up. Basically there isn’t a room this size in Ireland. This convention centre is probably bigger than Ireland. Well it feels that way. Although these days Ireland seems like a distant memory, a place I was from before I moved to Vegas. (I know I know I know I have to come back don’t spoil my fantasy.)

GLE BAGS:

The GLE is full of exhibitors with any sort of tenuous link to gaming and/or male focused activities. That would be poker clothing companies, strip clubs, offline poker events, poker mags and there’s an electric guitar stall opposite us. *air guitars*. Couples (always two) of hot, leggy promo girls pepper the room and distribute flyers, LOL at each others jokes and somehow seem plastic, unfocused, day dreaming the American Dream. Like gazelles on the plains of Africa, the idly stand there looking cute and scanning the horizon.

EAR ME NOW:

There is an infernal racket in this room, Gwen Stefani is the over powering noise on the PA, machines whirr, bases thud, American’s squeak, noise from plasma screens fills any audio gap.

WALK THE WALK:

Pop out the door and you get to the never ending corridor which links the searing heat of hell (the smoking area) to the icy fresh heaven of the WSOP (and probably the north and south poles the long way round.) Like me, the Main Hall looks much better than in photographs. Also, like me, it’s incredibly bright with a dark side. Oh and a third comparison, like Orla, it’s also very airey and full of men. (ONLY kidding Orla don’t take it personally!)

GOOOOO-OOOOD, GOOD, GOOD ROSSBERVATIONS:

The main hall has 200 tables, I counted something like 15 by 13 –YOU do the math(s). In one corner is the TV feature table, which has a raised platform and seating for about a hundred or so. It’s a really dark area and I’m underwhelmed at ESPN’s robotic camera’s and general cost efficiency (hey who said cheapness?) of the production, but I guess they are filming for the best part of two months and it’s not the size of the camera counts, it’s the size of your [ed: penis reference removed]

SO CAMP:

Outside the main hall is the massively unpopular marquee which is home to another 60 or so tables. EPT winner Vicky Cohen had a pretty miserable story from the tent where the air con was a bit faulty and started repeatedly blowing her cards over – eventually mucking her hand to knock her out of a tournament. Had Vicky attended the Irish Open this year she would have got an oh so fancy and storm proofed card guard that would have kept them cards in place – our American counterparts are selling the card guards for a whopping $30. [camp voice] “Kaching!” [/camp voice]

LAST MINUTE UPDATE: Orla just tells me that the aircon in that tent is now broken – ouch 60 tables down has gotta hurt someone.

WHAT FOLLOWS IS BULLSH!T:

Apparently (see comment in last post about the following being bullsh1t) she also got hypothermia from the same air con vent, which is quiet an accomplishment in 115 (for once not an exagerossation) degree heat.

Ah THAT’S where the plasters were:

Back to the main hall, with so many events and cash games taking place, it’s like that drawer you have in your house/flat/cave which you keep random stuff in, it’s busy, you can’t find what you’re looking for and there’s always something distracting you – Ewe a leaked battery!

FEELING FAINT:

Loads of cash games, was looking at a $400/$800 limit game (I’d be pretending to faint UTG for 6 minutes every round!) generally there’s some tournament finishing up, another one half way through and some player somewhere telling a bad beat story to Houdiniesque type audience (they’d be trying to escape y’see, that’s why I said houdini.)

TRUSS ME I’M IRISH:

Again the scale of the event can’t fail to impress, the entire ceiling has been covered with trussing on which they hang a light over every table and a system of CC cameras. Trust or trussle me, putting up that much rigging and getting a light over every table costs, and I would say we’re talking millions here. The walls around the room carry giant photographs of previous winners with an oh-so-clever blacked out player with a question mark for 2007. Mel Judah suggested I play a little game where I try to work out why some of the photos are different. He then ruined his game by immediately telling me that deceased winners had black and white photos. Doyle Brunson is an oasis of colour on a grey wall. Either end of the room has queues (or lines as they are now known) for registration and cashier. For the audiophiles out there, the noise of thousands of riffled chips and poker table mumbling is only interrupted by a microphone announcer looking for Mike B on five ten no limit, that’s Mike B on five ten no limit. Last call Mike or we’re going to release your seat.

NOSEY:

Smell being the most invigorating of the senses I should tell you more about it, however all the aircon just makes your nose a hard dry cavern, acting as a little roof for the tash, a sun glass holder, and barrier preventing my eyes from hitting off each other. Speaking of facial hair, there’s a LOT of banditos like mine here. Setting myself a misson of getting photographs of people with the same one as me. There’s a lot of knowing nods, we know we’re cool.

PALY:

It’s not a word I use every day, but the atmos is palpable, what’s set to be the biggest show on earth is just about to kick off and we’re within spitting distance of it. That would be if your spit didn’t evaporateas in the 3% humidity. I mean I’m what is it two thirds water? I’m competing with a lot of thirsty air. You sweat and dry immediately. Right now there’s gallons of water that belongs in me floating around the Vayge.

NEXT STEPS:

Meeting the guys from Card Player shortly, and then the online qualifiers later tonight. Metup with Phil Laak earlier on today just after his charity heads up game with Antonio Esfandiari and he’s such a gent that’ll require a posting all of it’s own. Better put this live now.

PUCKER UP, I’LL BE BACK SOON:

All for now, peace out hommies, next post shall be called “the Pace of Phil Laak”

==================================================================

The end bit that nobody reads it has feelings too y’know?

* Europe’s biggest frog farm is in Cavan, Ireland.
F is for four, F is for Five and OJ is for “Of July” I acronymised ‘em meself.

the jacket everyone’s talking about, being modelled by the invisible man in this picture:

EDITORS NOTE: Erm Ross if I was you I would throw the hairy coat at the zombie woman on the left and run like the clappers… high fashion isn’t going to help you look better if half your face gets chewed off!

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 5th, 2007 at 10:35 pm and is filed underRoss, WSOP 2007 You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.